HIV

Telling Your Significant Other

Sharing your HIV status with your partner or spouse is all about caring. Telling your partner that you are HIV+ can be a very difficult experience.

If you are in a monogamous relationship and your partner is HIV-, having sex outside of your relationship can be a very scary topic to discuss. However, telling your partner is both responsible and necessary. Keeping secrets about your HIV status from your partner puts his or her health at risk, prevents him or her from seeking out treatment, and could add additional strain to your relationship in the future. There are many couples today of mixed HIV status, in which 1 partner is HIV- and the other is HIV+. Many of these couples continue to have sexual relationships by engaging in safe-sex practices that prevent HIV transmission. So, sharing your HIV+ status with your partner is one of the most caring things you can do.

Some states have laws that require you to share your HIV+ status with your partner

Telling Your Family

Depending on the family member, it can be very difficult to decide whether or not to tell and when to share your HIV status with that person.

If you do not know which members of your family to tell, it is probably best to share your HIV+ status with the members of your family to whom you are closest. If you already have a close relationship with certain members of your family, telling them you are HIV+ may build a stronger bond with them.

Telling Your Parents

No parent wants to hear that their child is HIV+, but it is usually better if they find out from you rather than someone else. Often, parents are not properly educated about how effective HIV treatment is today. They may also be unaware that people with HIV can lead long and productive lives by taking the right medication. Just like you, they may need support to understand and deal with your HIV status. Educate them about HIV and let them see that you are positive about getting on with your life. This can help ease their anxieties about your health and provide them with a better understanding of what you are going through.

Telling Children and Siblings

Telling your siblings that you are HIV+ may seem far less difficult than telling your parents, but the truth is that it can often be just as hard. If you have more than 1 sibling, the best strategy is to tell the brother or sister to whom you feel closest, first. Sharing this information with the rest of your siblings will become much easier after that first discussion.

When deciding to share your HIV+ status with your children, it is best to wait until they are old enough and mature enough to understand. Be sure to educate your children by answering any questions they may have. Helping your children realize that HIV infection can be a manageable disease can ease their anxiety and concerns about you and the future.

Tips for Telling Your Family

Keep it simple and as direct as possible
Make sure you are ready to tell them
Let them know why you want them to know
Educate yourself about HIV so you can talk to your family about the disease
Try to make sure you are feeling well physically when you tell your family
Be mindful of other things going on in the family
Share how important they are to you
Don't be afraid to share your feelings about how important this is to you
If you tell your children, get them additional support, such as setting up an appointment to talk about HIV with a doctor

If you are having trouble telling your family or your family does not react the way you hoped, your local AIDS Service Organization (ASO) may be able to put you in touch with people who can help.

Telling Your Friends

Most people tell a close friend they are HIV+ just a few days after finding out. If you are HIV+, sharing your story with a friend can be a great source of support. Your friends may have helpful advice about how to deal with your HIV status.

They may know something about HIV treatment that you have not heard of before. Most importantly, a true friend will willingly provide you the emotional support that you need.

There is always the chance that your HIV+ status could become a rumor among your friends. If you are worried about this, it is very important to pick a close and trusted friend with whom you can share your test results.

Tips for Telling a Friend

Here are some additional tips to consider when telling your friends:

Make sure they know not to repeat what you are telling them
Let them know why you are telling them
Keep it as simple as possible
Educate yourself about HIV so you can answer their questions
If you would like advice, don't be afraid to ask
Ask them to be there for you

Your local AIDS Service Organization (ASO) may be able to provide you with additional information about telling a friend you are HIV+.

Telling Your Coworkers

Often times, people form close friendships with some of their coworkers. If you are HIV+ and are thinking about telling a close coworker, be sure to remember that you still have to work with that person after you share your HIV status.

There is always the possibility that your coworker could tell other people at work. This could possibly affect the way others treat you. The coworker that you tell may turn out to be as trustworthy as you thought, but you should be prepared for all possibilities.

Tips for Telling Your Coworkers

Make sure they know not to repeat what you told them
Be sure that the coworker you tell is a trusted friend
Tell them why you want them to know
Be direct about it

Your local AIDS Service Organization (ASO) may be able to provide you with additional information about sharing your HIV status in the workplace.